Hybridity

Ever since becoming a GTA, I've always had to deal with this "problem." You see, I teach, but I'm also a student. Now, the thing is I'm beginning to realize that I don't necessarily fit the English Instructor mold--I can look the part: dress professionally, hair pulled back in a bun, have the glasses. But my teaching style apparently doesn't fit the look.

What's got me talking about it this time? Last time I brought this up because a someone was complaining about me. Well, not this time (knock on wood). Actually, what brought this up was a question I asked one of my classes: what kind of music does an instructor listen to?

The first reply: an instructor or you? Now, the class came to a consensus that it is all dependent upon the personality of the instructor. But, I asked them to please explain the whole, "instructor or you" bit.

They don't see me as a traditional instructor. I don't lecture; I don't preach (too much, I heard added on in the back, along with a giggle). I'm more "like us." "You get along better with you" "you let the information soak in and help us understand it in our terms."

Now, the question is, Is this a good thing? Can I be accepted by the Academy as a Ph.D (when I get it)? Or will I forever be a student in the Academy's eyes?

I've been working on a paper comparing the Academy to the Borg Queen from Star Trek. It is true that the Borg is often used to represent any "evil" that seeks to take over society/species. Sometimes, I wonder if my holding on to my student tendencies and "language" as my small act of defiance. You cannot fully assimilate me! Yet, still I stay and try to become assimilated and get those letters after my name. Because it is with those letters I can hopefully teach in a university--the Borg ships of Academia--and share my love and passion of English with others. I do that now; but apparently in a non-traditional instructor way. Which confuses the hell out of my students, and sometimes me.

One of the best pieces of advice I received about teaching was: I simply walk into the room and wait. At the beginning of class, I get up and teach; because no one else in the room is going to do it.

There is just something about that advice, that stuck. It calmed my confessed fears of authority. I am not a big scary authority figure; but merely a "student" who gets up because nobody else is going to do it.

Here's a title for someone to yoink (or I may have yoinked it from some published material) Demons in the diploma: misadventures in getting letters after my name.